Sharing inspiration and insights as I journey through grief after the loss of my husband to suicide
I was born Carolyn Hope Clark. Funny thing is, I have never felt like a Carolyn. This has been reflected over the years with people calling me Carol, Caroline, Caroleena, Carolyna. I often wondered why they felt they could take the liberty to change it for me. Hmmm…maybe they picked up on my own disconnect with the name? I thought about changing it myself for years but never had the courage to do so until we moved to Boulder CO in 2014.
In 2013 I was guided to start going by my middle name Hope. I was resistant at first but once we made the decision to move I decided to take the plunge and start introducing myself as Hope. It seemed like the perfect opportunity being in a new place, nobody knew me as Carolyn. It took some getting used to, I felt I had to explain to everyone that it was really my middle name. Crazy I know. But after a while it started to feel natural and many now say that they could not imagine me as a Carolyn. Of course there are those who just can’t bring themselves to call me anything other than Carolyn. Change can be challenging, I know.
When I was looking into setting up a blog and getting a domain name I decided to take on yet another name and finally landed on Kara-Hope Clark. Kara-Hope feels like a nice blend that reflects who I am.
Now with that out of the way, a bit about me. I am a New Englander, born in Providence RI, but have lived in many other amazing places. RI, MA, NH, Santa Fe, NM, San Francisco and Pacifica, CA. Memphis, TN and Asheville, NC and now Boulder, CO. I spent 15 years as a Massage Therapist and Energy Healer until I decided to focus on being a mom when we moved to Memphis back in 1999. My son was 18 months old at the time. I had waited a long time for this opportunity to be a mom, so it was a priority for me to spend my time focusing on him. Eventually we decided to home school Noah when we discovered that he was not a good fit for the classroom environment. During that time, I reconnected with my art practice. I had been a fine arts major in college but never really pursued that world other than working in graphic arts for several years. I developed a body of work during the later half of the homeschooling years and eventually started showing my paintings. We homeschooled for six years until 8th grade when Noah felt he was ready to dive into middle school. It was the following year that Claude took his life which changed everything and started both my son and I on a whole new trajectory in our lives.
From a young age I have been interested in art, being out in nature, holistic healing, eating healthy organic food, personal growth, spirituality and metaphysics. I have recognized recently these areas are my true passion and part of my life purpose. My own healing process since losing Claude has been a natural progression in this arena of thought. Fortunately because of this, my tool box was already full of things that have been invaluable to me during this grieving process. Working with many healers, teachers and therapists, I have added even more tools into the mix. All helping to piece myself back together, which continues to this day, and I imagine will be ongoing for some time.
If you are suffering with your grief and need support, I highly encourage you to seek professional assistance in what ever form feels right for you while traversing this grieving process. It is far too heavy to carry on your own. Please know that I am not a grief councilor or a therapist. I am not qualified to give you “expert” advice. However I am an expert on my own personal journey though grief. I intend to share some of what I have learned through this blog and maybe eventually a book, time will tell. It is an exciting time for me stepping out with this renewed sense of purpose. I am grateful and I am looking forward to seeing what unfolds.